Words are very important to me somehow.
I do not know about you, but I say if they do not cooperate, if they fight and do not dance before my eyes, in my mind, under my fingers, the heart and soul … I do not function.
And I’m tired of hearing that I am a strong woman. I am strong, and what about it?!
You should be happy about it, what if you have beside some winey girl who cannot make a free-sentence and she’s freaking you out all day long because of her imagined traumas … Oh, come on over … that’s enough for me.
Get used to it.
Either you will love me or you will let me go.
I like to live in a harmony with myself. It can’t be good when I’m having a quarrel with my heart, body or my mind; neither for me, nor for the environment. The worlds are breaking! Tonight my words had a fight. They offend me. I shake my thoughts in one direction very accurately happy, with my full heart, with my open arms and I feel that I’ve gone astray. Encountered a bulwark desires that are so high and very specific, and they are taken as if they were of dry sand. Perhaps try to catch it a little later?
Maybe this Aladdin’s Magic Lamp may serve me as a warehouse … I did not buy it in Istanbul just like that… once, when I decide to rub it, something wonderful and my only will come out… once …
I am quite emotional. I’m very emotional. I’m rich precisely because of that, according to my professor. Whoever did not realize it until now; I have to say that it is not my problem. I can sense people; I can smell their pain, fear, happiness, sadness, confusion, to feel in the air even if we do not speak. It can be a great asset, and it can also be a big problem. Everybody shit in their pants when they discover that I know so much more about everything, before them. The moment when you give a part of yourself to me, it stays with me and I keep it safe. I do not throw away my gifts, do not waste my words just like that … I do not offer my heart on a golden platter of the Turkish sultans, nor do I have enough of it just to give it away just like that.
The soul is not to be split. The soul is the energy that flows your body, around you, it overtakes you, embrace you, invokes and sends messages around you … The moment you are willing to let her expires, to touch someone you care about, you give yourself as if nothing exists. It is not a gift that is to be dispensed; it is not something that should be given with the spoon, that’s not the radio button to turn on or off when and if someone wants it to. The soul flows … heats, seduces, stuns listens, understands caresses, provides support, but also sought. When you are ready to receive it, you have to be ready to give. If you only take in the end you’re going to get selfish and be left alone. This morning my soul is so spilled on all sides that I am at odds with myself. I did not think to keep it even for a minute, there’s no point, and I’m not like that. When I give, I give everything, but when I take, I take nothing less. Call me demanding?!I might be. I do not know.
Anyway … I like to fight on equal terms. I like equality. I love intellectual competition of the worlds. I love soul crash. My love is limitless and I cannot love you when it is prescribed, I cannot love you less today, and tomorrow a little bit more. Someone may know how to. Is it really loved?! We are not all the same. It wouldn’t be good anyway. Bundled with me you get it all: love, desire, victory, fear, madness, sadness, no limit, handful worlds, butterflies and dragons, all miracles, books, dreams, a lot of work on ourselves, a lot of words, whole soul … heart, reason … life …
Tell me why are you silent? I’ll tell you too. Tonight too many souls left me… it’s late and I do not sleep, and I’m still waiting for some of them to come back, at least part of it. Too many of them threw to many words in my lap and face and it looked as if it was nothing. To some of them I would have reply, and to some I did. Only, I’m one of those who do not like to hurt others. What for?
Every pain we cause to someone came back to us three times stronger. Karma I guess … I do not know … I believe in that, so I stick with “treat them as you would like to be treated by them …”, although people might not know how to… Then I close my eyes, count to all the words that are bothering me and I tell them, “Okay.”
Words are very important to me. When I do not use them, and when I throw you in the face just those two letters, a word that for me is not even a word, it is as if you have not done nothing! It hurts more. That’s how I see it. I never believed in the material side that occupies everyone around me.
Somehow it was always something that makes life a little bit easier, and it is irrelevant for the man to be happy and above it all what it should be – a “human”. I neither prefer to those I love and worship to give a little part of myself as the most precious gift in this world, something that this material gifts cannot be measured nor bought. To those whom I love, I give away my words; because for me, words are very important. What the heart is unable to type, I can write … what nobody can buy nor pay you, I’ll write you … forever. The words remain. If I have bestowed them upon you, if I gave them to you, you are very important, very special, very mine … From my point of view, I would like to explain it to you better, and then I’ll put it this way:
“What is it that you love most in this world, which you would rarely give, in homage to share with?”…
Is it just the same, I give you when you give my word…
I give you myself… very unselfish, open, very direct and special.
You do not feel?! Tonight I’m going to shut my every word. Less will be to insult me and to hurts. I’ll let the movie “Pillow Talk” and try to make peace with myself while you’re unpacking my gifts … words … Maybe you find some that you like more, some that will suit you better, to warm your heart, to mean something to you … I do not know … it seems again that this is morning of souls that collide wherever I turn.